Dave’s Christmas Future
We all know that growing old is inevitable. Growing up is optional. There’s nothing wrong with being in your forties and being just as excited as your children on Christmas morning.
On Christmas Eve, Donna and Dave put the kids to bed, and then proceeded to wrap the presents ready to go under the tree. Things had certainly changed over the past ten years: Annabel was now approaching her eleventh birthday, and had been joined by another two siblings – Sam, who was now four years old, and Jarvis, who was two and a half.
It was a regimented process with Dave handing the presents to Donna to do the wrapping, and then Donna handing them back, wrapped, for Dave to put under the tree once he had written the relevant child’s name on a tag and stuck it on. A fool proof system you may be thinking…
A couple of hours later, it was nearly midnight, and Dave was sat watching television with Donna, snuggled up on the sofa, when he had a sudden horrified thought – he hadn’t wrapped Donna’s present! He made an excuse to get up and head upstairs to where he had stashed the present in his sock drawer. Now, this is the right time to explain that with three children in the house, Dave and Donna were finding it difficult to get time together for ‘grown-up activities’ – between working and just being plain knackered, sex was simply out of the equation! In order to combat this, Dave had bought some stuff to try and get sex back in the equation: one of those rampant rabbits, and a pair of pants for Donna to wear, with a built in vibrator that he could control from his mobile phone. He’d considered just buying some sexy lingerie, but had felt this was too tame. Anyway, being a disorganised man, Dave had not remembered to pick up wrapping paper, meaning he had to use what was left over from wrapping the kids’ stuff.
Waiting until Donna was in the bathroom, Dave snuck downstairs and placed the two parcels beneath the tree and sat back down on the sofa to wait for her return. Just on the off chance, Dave suggested a bit of Christmas hanky-panky, but Donna was not really up for it, and so they went to bed together and fell asleep.
It was still dark when Dave was woken by a child jumping on the bed squealing excitedly. He groggily turned on his bedside lamp, and checked his watch. As calmly as possible, Dave told the child – it turned out to be Sam – that it was only four in the morning, and if he didn’t go back to bed, Santa would not be coming next year. Unfortunately, the ensuing tantrum awoke Jarvis, who began to cry which then awoke Annabel and finally Donna. Between them, they put the children back to bed, and collapsed back in their own bed completely exhausted. No sooner had Dave closed his eyes than he was woken up again by a brightness penetrating a gap in the curtains. He quietly lifted the duvet back and poked his head through the gap in the curtains. His eyes slowly became accustomed to the light, and to his surprise he was faced with a blanket of white snow. For a second, he forgot his age and let out a whoop of joy. He shook Donna awake, much to her disgust, and excitedly babbled about the snow.
Dave checked his watch and even though it was still only seven o’clock, Dave was ready to get this Christmas started. He headed downstairs and put the kettle on before having a morning wee-wee. By the time he carried two cups of coffee into the lounge, the rest of the family were sat waiting. Dave had barely sat down before the air was filled with tearing paper and excited squeals of children opening their presents. Dave went to retrieve the parcels for Donna, and was a little panicked to see they weren’t there. He rooted around, looking under sofas, to no avail. He turned to look at Donna, and by the horrified look on her face, he knew something had gone awry – Jarvis was sat on the floor, a pile of wrapping paper in his lap, waving a Rampant Rabbit in the air like a Jedi wielding a lightsaber! Dave hastily whipped it out of his son’s hand and sheepishly handed it to Donna. His mind immediately turned to the other present, still unaccounted for. He turned and scanned the still unopened gifts on the floor and managed to identify what he was looking for just as Annabel reached to pick it up. Dave intervened and explained that Annabel should give that particular parcel to her mum. She complied with a grumble, and Dave suggested that Donna open that one away from the prying eyes of the kids, and then maybe wear it to his parents’ house for dinner.
Once they had got dressed, and the kids had got together all the stuff they wanted to take to their Grandparents’, Dave drove them over for lunch. Donna kindly let Dave know that she was wearing the present he had given her as they were unloading the car. He chuckled and rubbed his hands together with glee.
Lunch was an eventful occasion for more than one reason. Not only did Dave’s dad forget to cook the sprouts – which Dave was not too upset about – but Annabel almost choked on a carrot and Sam spilt his drink all over the table. And while this was all going on, Dave was cheekily controlling Donna’s pants from his mobile phone – setting off the vibrator every now and again when she was expecting it the least, to the point where she was putty in his smutty hands.
It wouldn’t come as a surprise that by the time they got home and put the rather excited and hyperactive children to bed, Donna was ready to jump on Dave and give him an extra special Christmas present…