Auf Widersehen January, Hallo February!

So the most depressing month of the year is over (you know – Christmas is long gone, but you’re still counting the cost of it on your wallet and waistline) and we’re now into February which is the shortest month (and shortest wait for a pay day!)
What a January we’ve had!!! Floods causing death and destruction in Australia and Brazil, political mayhem in Tunisia, Yemen and now Egypt, ridiculous amounts of money passing between football clubs for players, and lots more besides.
It makes me wonder what February might hold in store. So, here’s my attempt at being Nostradamus:

1) Nick Clegg and the Liberal Democrats to publicy acknowledge the fact that they are dancing with the Devil. Let’s be honest, if David Cameron and his guffawing lackeys screw up the country as they probably will, the LibDems will lose all credibility as a ‘3rd option’. The fact that voting reform has been stuffed in the tatty filing cabinet of political importance says it all…

2) Premier League footballers will have a sudden epiphany and demand wage cuts, insisting that the money be invested in the local community that supports and sustains their lavish existence. Expect to see the Manchester City boys organising anti-crime events in Moss Side, Wayne Rooney running Meals on Wheels (anything to get at those glamorous Grannies eh Wayne?) and Ashley Cole serving soup to the homeless of London…

3) Just as we all think ‘The Kings Speech’ has sewn up the Oscars, BAFTA’s etc, some shitty American film (read The Social Network) swoops from nowhere and causes Colin Firth’s polite British smile to turn into a British villain’s sneer, and the nation gasps incredulously muttering “we thought it was in the bag…”

4) On the eve of the Brit Awards, organisers cancel the event, with a spokesman stating: “We had a think and to be honest, there’s nothing worth celebrating really. It’s all a bit shit, to be honest. Sorry folks!” Tinie Tempah cries into his alcopop, and James Corden angrily scrubs it out of his diary. Boo fucking Hoo.

5) The people who classify DVD releases decide to ban all ‘celebrity’ (in the loosest possible terms these days) fitness DVD’s. I mean come on… it’s not rocket science is it? Put the cake down and go for a walk!!! Ffs. I’m thinking about going public with my own offering, and may even call it “Put the cake down and go for a walk”. I think it has legs…

Anyway, that’s all for now folks, hope you enjoyed my predictions and in the meantime, I’ll be getting on with my life.

Stay Classy!


One thought on “Auf Widersehen January, Hallo February!

  1. I can so see number 3 being spot on. It'll be like Avatar all over again – how many awards did that have in the bag? and how many did it take home? and who can remember what the hell that other film was??

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